disadvantages of being a second wife in polygamy

Mrs. Abdullah also had a love marriage. Al-Krenawi A, Graham JR. A comparison of family functioning, life, and marital satisfaction, and mental health of women in polygamous and monogamous marriages. They are sister wives, which means they have a friendship as well. They often include not-so-subtle warnings about what's to come, designed to keep you strong and united in the face of conflict, change, hardship, kids. As when co-wives share their domestic chores, and other responsibilities of the family they become less possessive with time about their partners. Mrs. Kamal reported "in the beginning when I thought about the second wife, I engaged myself in different activities because it always hurt me." She said, 2nd wife of my husband also helps me in daily households activities. It was a love marriage. Journal of Family Studies. The study describes the different experiences, reasons behind polygamy, its outcomes, and the coping strategies used by first, second, and third wives. Its not a series of glittering evenings drinking martinis in smoky bars. Women experienced various degrees of emotional difficulties including jealousy, unhappiness, loneliness, and lack of intimacy with their spouses. Now she was not ready for 3rd. But honestly, if your significant other has already had a wedding, who cares? He was a handsome 25-year-old who worked as a miner, and when he asked her gogo if he could marry Lillian, Nomqondiso agreed. It found that while 70 per cent agreed that Muslim men have a right to polygamous marriages so long as they can treat all wives fairly, only 30 per cent would allow their own husband to marry . Mediterranean Journal of Social Sciences. Female infanticide and killing women for giving birth to a baby girl a case study of Pakistan inproceedings of socioint14-international conference on social sciences and humanities. It was hell for my mom and me afterwards, Evelyn says. In a previous study by the perceived advantages of polygyny included sharing house chores and child-rearing similarly in the present study most of the polygamous women were reported particularly the infertile women helped the co-wives to bring up their children as well as daily household activities. Though later on, she had a good relation with 2nd wife. 2 Meet other future spouses. Over breakfast her husband told her something that would make any woman choke on her toast: he wanted to take a second wife. Evelyn shrugs and says women should always know their rights and not be afraid to fight for them. Now the first wife has no say. Rachael enjoys studying the evolution of loving partnerships and is passionate about writing on them. Bigger families imply more connections. 2020; 24: 339351. He's not a wealthy man, he has another family and I accepted that.'. Thus, two things relating to marriage have affected the overall percentage of the population who find polygamy acceptable: more unmarried people in the population, and the fact that these. This was a very uncertain and painful time for me. She described that she was completely alone with her daughters after her husband's second marriage. 1. In some Middle Eastern countries, polygamy is regulated and the second, third or fourth wife, has legal rights. She has been married for 40 years. Both babies were through cesarean. Understand that he couldve cheated, but rather chose something that is common in African culture. Thamsanqa says its important to make sure you really want another wife, and to thoroughly analyse your reasons. Image from The Star. Here are some people revealing the truth of what polygamous relationships are really like. The second wife will have all of these extra people in her life that she never bargained for and it can be a lonely or isolating feeling. Though she faced a lot of criticism from the first wife. There are many things about a divorced family that can be nontraditional, especially holidays. The co-wives shared their several experiences and reasons why they allowed their husbands for 2nd or 3rd marriage. Therefore, in line with the objectives of this study, qualitative interviews were a superlative choice for inductive approaches aimed at generating concepts and hypotheses that have far more potential for research than any other model. Most Muslims do not practice polygamy. Yet we make as felicitous a stepfamily as you are likely to find. youre over there thinking, The ex has the kids for Christmas Bummer. Seven women were single before marriage, while two were divorced and two were widowed. These reasons are in line to some extent with the current outcomes as infertility and having only female children was also one of the major factors for polygamous marriage. It can be a challenge if wounds from old relationships arent quite healed. Reviewed by Lybi Ma. Mrs. Imam, Mrs. Ahmad, Mrs. Kamran, and Miss Nadia also admitted co-wives relationship and compromised with this relationship (Table 3). 2016; 22(3): 272-286. I never expected to be a second wife. 2. Of importance is the need to disseminate the findings of studies like this one to those who are in a position to make change a reality. Constitutionally, polygamy raises important issues under the free exercise clause of the First Amendment. The two new wives bullied my mother and called her names. I knew my family wouldnt approve of our marriage, but I was weak. The effects of polygamy on children and adolescents: A systematic review. Christianity condemns polygamy as an offence against the dignity of marriage, insisting that conjugal love between a man and wife must be mutual and unreserved, undivided and exclusive. 'I don't care about anything. One Sunday morning Thamsanqa sat her down and asked her how shed feel if he took a second wife. What Is Marriage Coaching? Lots of people are betraying their partners while pretending to be monogamous. Knowing what you value will help you build the most meaningful life possible. Provide the three areas that were Islamized. Gabe and I interact regularly with our exes and their new spouses, former in-laws, and current in-laws. When your friends talk about Christmas and having the whole family there togetheryoure over there thinking, The ex has the kids for Christmas Bummer. All interviews were audio-taped, transcribed verbatim, and were then analyzed by interpretive phenomenological analysis. Which Board Game Sums Up Your Life: "Aggravation"? They must be educated through different seminars and programs to cope with the stress and manage other consequences of polygamy. Al-Krenawi A, Graham JR. A Comparison of family functioning, life, and marital satisfaction, and mental health of women in polygamous and monogamous marriages. As Mrs. Amir told the researcher, in the beginning, she got more privilege than the first but as time was passed and she did not conceive there was a time when she was completely ignored by in-laws and later from her husband. Go figure. Maybe it was because I didnt have anyone in mind when I approached her I wasnt cheating on my wife, Id never do that.. ASEAN Journal of Psychiatry received 934 citations as per google scholar report, Research Article - ASEAN Journal of Psychiatry (2021), Received: 20-Nov-2021 Many qualitative and quantitative studies have been conducted to evaluate the challenges and issues facing polygamous women on an international level. Table 1: Frequency of co-wives for infertility, only female children, love marriage and family pressure as reasons of polygamous marriages (n=11). Since that we gave importance, care and love toward each other, i accept his proposal. She stated, When I allowed my husband to marry a second wife, then God blessed me to have a child (translated from Urdu to English). She got a marriage proposal from a married man to be his second wife as his first wife had a medical condition due to which he had not been able to sleep with her for last 11 years. CNN . Inmany countries all over the world, polygamy is not permitted by law and marrying multiple partners is simply not allowed. Literature indicates that the structure of the polygamous women's families badly affected the psychological and social functioning of polygamous women and children [9-11]. As she said 'I am unable to fulfill the needs or desires of my husband, so I allowed him for 2nd marriage. These are jealousy, poor marital satisfaction, unhealthy competition, lack of trust, and many other mental health problems [12]. ASEAN Journal of Psychiatry peer review process verified at publons. They must be educated through different seminars and programs to cope with the stress and manage other consequences of polygamy. In turn, some women don't tell their friends about their husband's other partners because young people in the region are becoming more outspoken on how polygamy is an arrangement that is designed. An interview guide was prepared before conducting interviews which were consisted of the following research questions based on literature. He loved her, and I was fond of her, Lillian says. Rehman J. She was divorced from her second husband because of infertility and the first time her husband died of an illness. Unfortunately, those stereotypes are not accurate. Also, if your husband has financial problems, he had no right to marry you in the first place. But over the years, as we get in our 30s and 40s, we mature and realize that life just happens, no matter if you plan for other things. Shes a nurse, not one of those rude ones, and she was kind and very helpful. She told, "I used to cry in isolation". But Thembi* (the second wife) shocked our husband and decided to stay in the main house with Thamsanqa. They each have their separate rooms, and their husband alternates time spent between them equally. I didnt really get it, but my parents are big on communication in a weeks time I was on board. Thembi says she knows people often question polygamous marriages but shes adamant that sometimes the women gain a lot more than the men. The statistics are stacked against you, Depending on the source, divorce rates are pretty scary. So infertility and no male child is the main factor to permit polygamy by the wives [8]. In the Muslim world, polygamy is acknowledged because it is supported and associated with religious doctrine as well as a fair and legal way of relationship. The first theme was generated from the verbatim of the first question which was asked to polygamous women. composed of two imperfect people. You are a little older now, and you learned some harsh realities. Rahmanian P, Munawar K, Mukhtar F, Choudhry FR. mortality is outrageously high and t As she stated, "out of sight, saying of mind.". It doesnt mean that it wont last. She said "first wife of my husband always get more privilege than me." Further, they accepted co-wives as fate roles and made compromises rather than separation in most of the wives even they had kids. 2014. You find yourself constantly comparing yourself with his ex-wife. After the wedding they all moved into a bigger house with cottages at the back for the children. Polygamous women though claimed that polygamy has disadvantages but to them, divorce is not an option. Wed both been married before, but does that really matter? "I have no physical disability that perhaps could've prompted his decision, he just decided that he needed a second wife," she says. Source: Sunan Sad ibn Manr 633, Grade: Sahih. 2005; 44(1): 81-98. 3. While a second marriage can be successful, its still a relationship composed of two imperfect people. She said, "1st wife of my husband is working so 2nd wife of my husband and I used to manage the household chores. ASEAN Journal of Psychiatry (MyCite Report). Could Your Relationship Benefit from Marital Counseling? So second marriages tend to have less of the giddiness and more of the serious daily life attached. Accepting being a second wife can be challenging for those who are considering polygamy. The study is not against polygamy but the need to improve the family structure of polygamous families is a major concern. International Journal of Mental Health. You feel the need to establish more control over the decisions of your partner. The real term for that arrangement is polygyny, "the practice or condition of having more than one wife at one time." Poly was defined above, and -gyny probably looks familar, from words like misogyny and gynecology: it's the Greek gyne, "woman." 2014; 5(27): 1058-1058. Ibn Qudamah writes: While Pakistan being an Islamic state where religion allows polygamy, the more typical reasons have been observed in the current study by multiple co-wives such as infertility, a woman being a mother only by female children, love marriage, or family pressure with the reference of religious doctrine. 2020; 39(2): 750-760. Life as a co-wife wasn't easy for Cecilia; she started being mistreated by the second wife. Islam allows men to marry up to four wives at one time but the condition is to maintain equality and Justice in all the possession whatever a man holds in material means [1]. In many typical cultures like India, China, and Pakistan infanticide is a very common practice despite an illegal and social evil [5-7]. Problematic: Polygamy can be problematic from a legal and religious way. 2010;57(1): 121-127. In Pakistan polygamous women also facing many psycho social problems because our society is far away from the original teachings of Islam about polygamy. Rachael Pace is a noted relationship writer associated with Marriage.com. A typical statistic out there now says that 50 percent of first marriages end in divorce, and 60 percent of second marriages end in divorce. Conclusion: Polygamous women though claimed that polygamy has disadvantages but to them, divorce is not an option. What kind of man has three wives and no job? I defended my mother and my dad just watched everything unfold. After three years of this, Eva decided to file for divorce but her husband, Evelyn says, is still trying to milk her for all her money. A Muslim convert says that being a second wife provides her. Cecilia says her husband married a second wife purely for his own physical desires and greed. Tandler N, Petersen LE. Six were first (senior) wives, four were second wives, and one was the 3rd wife in status. Thamsanqa clears his throat and holds his wifes hand as he tells us that after being married for 15 years, he knew he needed a second wife.

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