I usually just say Im doing laundry. Xoxo. Jana: It's ok. I'll catch you later. Ive heard its a very Southern California thing and that people from other places are annoyed by it. Flat? Its very jarring to see that thrown around when its a nasty slur here in the UK. Is this just aimless small-talk? 2. (Wriggle your hips) I am as happy as a tick on a big, fat doggy. Because it's funny when friends say they'd only run in chased and we know that's perfect because we could run longer. I can tell you out of personal experience that the constant repetition of this makes you feel a lot like you will never be fully accepted as part of the society/community you live in. Example: What are you doing?
Funny, But True Weekend Quotes That Will Make You LOL So Hard 14 "It was a riot! One of my long-time boundaries is I wont date a guy who cant properly carry out an invitation and follow it through. With strangers (e.g., cashiers) and other people you dont know personally well (casual acquaintances, colleagues with whom you are not also friends, etc. Indoor Cat says feeling unsafe would have been the most damaging to her relationships with her parents long term. Me: Dunno, but probably not. Also Go ahead and get your friends to hate me and think Im mean, if its ever helpful to you. If an invitation to something materializes at this reply, I have no problem saying No. I have a colleaguestraight white well-employed middle-class-raised Christian cis man, so about as privileged as you can get in Americawho opts out of a lot of what he considers to be optional social stuff. Id also add that when youve lived in a place for years and are planning to stay, like I am in my husbands home country, it gets very tiring to have everyone assume youre just visiting or that youre an international student and will be gone soon. I understand the concept, but it seems to me that getting an invitation after revealing that you were nominally free at that time would make refusal even harder, not easier. Here are some of the most humorous replies to "How are you?" Table of contents: I'm Better on the inside than I Look on the outside Can't Complain. Kind of a random revelation after reading everyones advice and responses: I think this is up for me right now because Im new to the online dating world and, because of my past experience with my family, I am having a hard time telling if the question is of the innocuous kind (like when co-workers ask my plans for the weekend), a soft opening to trying to ask me out, or the kind of manipulation that Ive, for better or for worse, learned to be on alert for. Thats my favorite response! Those things influence what I ask of my kid, and they influence how I ask it. The first time I heard this, I wondered who opened my brain while I was sleeping and pulled the song out and put it in a movie soundtrack. I think its more like, LW has a bunch of overbearing, annoying relatives who use this as a manipulation tactic, so she now sees it as one. None of us see each other over weekends. A possible script: Sorry, Aunt, if I dont do laundry this weekend, Im not going to have any clean clothes. Spares you from having to say Great and feel like youre lying (which can be uncomfortable even when you *are* aware youre participating in a defined social ritual), but also averts the worry that if you say things are bad, the asker will pry for more details. Read. I have friends who grew up in Poland but have been UK citizens for decades at the tops of their highly-respected professions. That! and she looked really pissed off, and I worried that maybe it sounded like I was looking for an excuse, any excuse, to get out of whatever she was proposing. (Im looking at you, mom, and you too, aunt.). My response if Im up for it is Looking like a fun one, but did you have something in mind? If Im probably not up for it I say All the things! Why does it need taking care of?? and get back to work.) Id like to leave you with a couple of last thoughts to consider: One is that you say she has reacted to, We are going to by hearing a command and responding accordingly. Also it varies on friend one friend, if I ask him if hes free Friday, we both understand that means beer and movies until the early hours, by default. (huge smile) I told you that this is our private time and we will not be walking with you! If you are an academic assigning my posts in your courses, Id appreciate an email with a copy of the relevant syllabus/assignment for my records/CV. Your turn to tell me what you have in mind!. Yes, exactly. Cant. I feel like letting her sleep is far more important than my social life right now., Sorry, I know it sounds like a stupid excuse. No, that is a very bad script with pushy family connections. Him: You must be doing something. have a Canadian accent that some USians pick up, and I dont mind if people ask if Im Canadian). I'd Be Better if You Asked Me out If I Was Any Finer, I'd Be China I am definitely not math or sciencey, just like my me time, so that wouldnt have occurred to me. And she might feel hurt that Id rather do nothing than do something with her. It sort of came to a head last week when I was on the toilet, and the kid came to the door, and my kid answered the door, and the conversation was like As long as I sound friendly, folks who have no ulterior motive take it at face value, and the ones who are being invasively nosy, or hoping to trick me into something, are taken aback and sometimes given subtle notice that I will set boundaries I like to respond with Doing nothing. Because if she werent a family member, Id throw her out on her ear; she sure as hell wouldnt be in my home with all her stuff. in a family meeting you decide that father empties the dishwasher, daughter cooks on weekdays, mother cooks on weekends or whatever) which also lets her develope that skills. So, now give me my money back. We need to have lunch soon. Okay, then invite me, and dont hint for an invitation. You're supposed to live it and enjoy it. I think people use that particular question instead of asking outright so they can feel out whether the person has any plans or our open to hanging out before they ask them to commit to a specific thing. Unhelpful? If a stranger or acquaintance says, How are you? its mostly just meant as a greeting, and you greet them back by saying, Im good, thanks or Doing alright or Oh fine, and you? Just some standard vague but positive-sounding reply. You get to notice pretty fast that your opinions, feelings and thoughts dont matter if they dont conform to a view of the world that doesnt let them look like heroes and you like a cultural clich. Except LW specifically said that with the peer-friends who are not using it as entrapment, LW doesnt find it problematic at all. There are several possible moves in response to this gambit. I read that post all the time. I think thats why it can sometimes be difficult to answer? 4) "When asked what I did over the weekend, I reply, 'Why, what did you hear?'" 5) And it's weekend memes baby!!! People who act like or claim that it is impolite are exhibiting the things I dont like must be rude/mean fallacy. Whereas a lot of us see the advantages, like the precision you noticed, to some form of rapid written communication that wasnt around decades ago. I think my aunt asks this question for the same reason you do. But if someone says what are you doing tomorrow night and I say painting my toenails in front of Netflix, that leaves me without a graceful out. Good enough. ), Anyway, that wont do the job. Ive got annoyed enough over this that I have been uncharacteristically assertive and told him that I dont like being asked out like that and that Id prefer that he just ask me outright about whatever activity it is and the date. I get that I might not be asked to future events as well. I also ignore We should hang out soon! It doesnt replace actually reaching out to me and trying to set up plans. This is how I deal with it: Setting that aside for the moment, its apparently *supposed* to go like this: I always respond to casual/formulaic how are you questions with something positive, specific, and widely approachable. LWs letter got me thinking and i thought about using this kind of questions and realized that the only time I actually use them is with really close friends with whom I would just like to hang out or intend to make plans together. Its a little startling to hear something super serious like life is really dark so that would be a surprise here as well. Everyone knows most people mean it well, its small talk, etc but these things ARE not nice to be the receiver of. An alternative then is to actually mention the fact that you are sending them an email. [Note to my friend who also reads CA, this is not you ], I tend to do direct invites, sometimes with a range of possible dates, but I have occasionally done the We should do [X] sometime! and had months go by without getting around to organizing [X], even if Ive extended other invitations to the person also interested in [X]. What are you up to? I can vouch for this strategy! Assholes. There are variants but this one is always appropriate in all situations. Ive had good luck with, Fantastic! because no matter what is happening to me, I am still fantastic in various ways. That being said, in a couple of guys Ive dated in the last few years, Ive been amazed at how fast and how almost without me noticing they can go from planning and executing dates very well to somehow only being able to function if Im doing it. Does that mean that these women would get constant requests for free tech support? While having to put up with gday, mate lacks the structural oppression of whats aimed at POC, it is still annoying. To put it another way, I guess: this is such a normal way to open a conversation that being annoyed by it means that you will be annoyed by a wide variety of people, forever. Just wow. Remember, . Culture or not, Im very sympathetic to people who have a hard time saying no, since that used to be me. Ive realized its very important for us. It's time to break the silence and let her know that she shouldn't be nosing into your business when her life isn't anything special. Even if its only logistically. Things have a funny way of working out. Always always have a plan I forgot about until next day. It might be helpful to reframe this, because the vast majority of the time its not going to be meant as a high-pressure question. Because this is very much a dumb conversation filler question and its not going to go away anytime soon. LW specifically gave examples of when it happens and why it annoys them, yet dozens of people are trying to splain that this is just small talk in their part of the world. Umm.pardon me, I wasn't listening. There is a normal-question-asking prosody, where the words get successively higher in pitch. Since youre not busy, do you want to go to [event] with me? It gives you a window into each others lives and invites you to share something about yourself. But its all about context, and thats not the context the LW is talking about. Or they may feel social pressure to make conversation in the moment, and dont have any other topic at hand. etc. You can be annoyed by a wide variety of people forever. So the question layers, starting with are you free Saturday? Are a strategy Ive used to hopefully take the pressure off other people. I also love Caps I need to check my calendar and get back to you approach. Usually, the asker will tell me why they asked after I answer, no matter what the answer is (busy, not busy, dont know). It avoids (in their mind) making the person feel pressured to commit if they dont actually want to. On the other hand, being around them makes my shoulders go up around my ears. Read also. I immediately turn it around on them. Just standing here waiting for stupid questions I guess. Ive spent some time in California and I never really know how to respond correctly. When we nearly got evicted from our housing situation, I was critically busy trying to find an apartment for me and the housemates, and it kind of annoyed me to have friends pinging me like Heyyy, I miss you, can we get lunch this week, without finding out if I was actually available first. Thats a way it can work, certainly, but why is it magically guess the exact time theyre free and what they want to do with no input if the person who first said lets hang out is then suggesting a time or activity, but something other than magically guessing if the person who first said lets hang out and is told yeah, we should is the one saying Saturdays are good for me, how about you? or Ive been meaning to see Black Panther? But, I think the conclusion there is, thats not on me. Ive seen cat vacuuming most often as being what you do before you can sit down to write. If that's not a good enough answer for them, walk away, because there's nothing more you can say. You know the parent is deliberately being controlling if that wont work for me gets any variation on, BUT WHYYYYYYYYYYY.. *In my case, Z has agreed to push the Ask her yourself button instead of passing messages along. Probably so he can finish the conversation with enjoy [fun thing]. Ill do it anyway, but saying it that way doesnt make it somehow not an order, Mom! To pretend that it wont have a cost societally. I think the idea is that someone who thinks no is hard will get the direct request and start cancelling plans, because no one would actually directly ask for babysitting unless this was the most important event of their lives. Which I learned is a great policy to do with favor sharks. Flip the question back on them. Im super introverted and have medium to high levels of anxiety, depending on the situation. At least, it never has for me! When I issue a soft invitation I am often not sure if the person wants to hang out at all, and getting a Yes, get in touch and let me know when youd like to do something would encourage me to go on and do the planning whereas Yeah, we really should I would be more likely to read as I dont really want to do anything. I dont hear it much in my circles, and if it does come up I just say something noncommittal and wait for them to present a direct invitation or request if they want to. If a coworker does this several times in a row, I sense they dont want to connect with me on that level and stop asking. I never know how to respond when service people ask How are you? and is seems almost like a variation of just saying hi. I have to say that I get and have come to dread the variant Are we doing anything Saturday from my mom, who will use it to mean anything from I havent seen you in DAYS and I want to do something with you but dont want to impose by actually asking to I have received an invitation to something but dont want to desert you. My ILs do this. I do have quite good boundaries with my family (after years of building them) and definitely only babysit when I want to. If an acquaintance asks How are you? and I answer and ask back like I do at home, am I way off? But I hate this because then I have to pretend to wait while I figure out if my original plans are going through before I give them an answer. It forces the manipulators to cough up some version of their agendas, and galvanizes the friends with vague plans into issuing an actual invitation. interactions that I think stand a significant chance of blowing up in peoples faces. I shall think on why. For small talk, I like to ask questions where the answer can be simple.
26+ Funny Responses to Being Asked on a Date (Replying Yes or No) Youre right, adult people who feel safe and are treated well like adult people probably dont react like that. I get you wanting to be met at the airport under those circumstances. The pushback on needing brain time though makes sense. - Joseph Addison - Middle age is when you're sitting at home on a Saturday night and the telephone rings and you hope it isn't for you. Can we not with passing judgement on the validity of the LWs feelings about this phrase? I usually end up saying something noncommittal like I might be doing xyz, but Im not sure yet why? and waiting to see what the actual deal is. I then fully expect to be the person who takes the next step of saying yay! But most of all, thats my time with my kids, and Ive realized that Im missing it. Because Im white, I fortunately have the privilege of knowing that 9 times out of 10 its just genuine curiosity and an attempt at polite small talk (theres always the 1 thats still xenophobic, though, like the cashier who blurted out when are you leaving, then? or the psychiatrist who refused me medical treatment because I should be going back to my home country soon anywayIm married and staying here, sorry to disappoint). You may feel uncomfortable doing this (which is their goal) but you always have the right to decline a request. I also get your daughter refusing to comply with requests that arent made with at least normal adult civility it was not even a request, in fact, but an order. Yeah, I get that it is a soft invitation, but it also feels that the hard invitation has been tossed into my lap. Thats the kind of bullshit that is so often behind the oh Im so nice to your differentness behavior belief that you shouldnt be what you are, and that you probably did something not right to get there. I wish people could just say I want to do (thing) do you want to do (thing) with me?, All I can tell ya is what I have been doing for years: Its okay that sometimes my anxiety is bad. Also works for the similar How ARE you? @Grant Us Eyes mentioned. My usual caveat- I am a very private person who others sometimes describe as off-putting and I perform the expected feminine social role like an ill-fitting plastic Halloween costume. Yeah, I do the same. (This could be walked back but it would require a decent amount of active displays of interest in me from the other person.). Not everyone in my life always has.
What Will You Do This Weekend? - englishforums.com 3. To them I am this exotic other they feel entitled to treat in a certain way because their goodness and its expression is more important than my real and complex experience as a human being. Thats possibly reasonable to do with a minor child, but youre still acting to preserve a parental level of dominance over her as an adult. If you can walk away from them, they're successful.
17 Funniest Running Memes - Which One's Do You Relate To? - RunToTheFinish And then they get all pissy because the girl is taken aback by being asked out so abruptly by this guy about whom she knows pretty much nothing except his appearance. LW has a LOT of reason to be bugged by this approach to seeking a date it carries a hefty implied threat because of what abusive men in our society have built it into en masse. Ah. A question is not a legal summons, you can literally ignore it if you want! Theyre almost certainly not trying to pry into information you consider private! Oh, sorry, I cant., What are you doing Thursday night? Most of those projects and research were for fanfiction. There are also times my kid can ask for help, and *I* dont get to say, eh, no, Id rather read a book. Not if I want to consider myself her family. Sometimes people respond in a very vague way (oh just some family stuff), which will tell me that its private or they just dont want to discuss it with me and Ill drop it and switch topics. Just looking for my phonehave you seen it? But for the LW when its potential datepeople, I do find that, Not sure yet why, do you have something fun in mind? has a pretty decent response rate.
110 Weekend Quotes to Wish You a Restful Break - Quote Ambition Figuring out how my plans fit together is my problem, not anyone elses. Numbered point 4 specifically says LW doesnt understand why people are asking this, hence the many explanations of different reasons people ask, and while the possible manipulation is noted in numbered points 2 and 3, its not the only thing LW is asking about, while point 3 suggests to me that LW may well be reading manipulation into cases where people are just curious or are actually trying to do the planning themselves (by finding out if LW is even available for a possible activity), not trying to make zir do the planning, as ze suspects. 4. I understand commenters who dont see this question as anything more than polite small talk. The asker might want the invitee to give some input on what theyd like to do, but thats not the same as expecting them to do all the planning. Thankfully, the discomfort is mostly on my end at this point. And then if its something I dont want to do BUT its a person I dont want to discourage, I can say, That sounds like youll have fun! Especially if I have reason to suspect its just going to be some variation of wanna hang out? if you have something concrete to suggest, lead with that! I think theres a frustratingI dont know what to call it, but adding monetary transaction to a relationship doesnt always make it better. For all that the Your X is Valid thing is trending nowadays, you still need to be able to have basic conversations with people, which includes stuff like this. That said, I tend to think the person asked, they can damn well deal with the answer. I wanted to stayyou can make why do you ask? be a friendly lineand you probably should. I might hang out with some friends on Sunday. And partly because, depending on exactly what one wants and what cost one is willing to pay, challenging the culture is how it gets changed. Then you can do x with/for me! just blatantly assuming that if you are free, then you will obviously want to do this thing. You are hearing pressure where there is none; and even if there were a little pressure, the grownup way to deal with it is to push back firmly but politelyno whining, no yelling, no accusing, no lecturing. You don't want to end up like your crazy aunt who keeps asking you the same question during every holiday dinner. !" 6) "Come back here weekend!! It is a question that can be answered or echoed and nobody minds too much. I think with the people I know it is fairly mutually asked for that reason.
Michael Wiley on Twitter: "RT @h_miller76: Had you asked me what I'd be Here's the most obvious answer that no one can argue with. Personally, Id recommend not babysitting at all for six months to allow cousin the time to get used to the idea that LW is not cousins handmaiden, then seeing if LW can re-engage with the cousin in a mutually respectful manner. Man, that sounds great, but I know Im forgetting something on my calendar. Any fun plans? Just make sure to follow these three rules for sending Tinder messages: Keep it PG-13, even on Tinder. TootsNYC, why do you feel entitled to some of her time because shes a member of your family? Him: Doing anything else? Sometimes I think if Im going to make something up it might as well be along the lines of going to the moon or whatever. There is literally a meme that says When you ask me what Im doing today and I say Nothing, it does not mean Im free. Its just a formulaic greeting. If you dont want to go, just say so. 21. We teach children that they must answer questions put to them by adults, that they have no choice in the matter. This is where you really have to double down on the super-beaming positive manner of absolute assurance. Ex.1. Sometimes your lover or friend may forget to send you a morning text. But I have wondered if I answer with imaginary bf and I have x-plans, if the questions would stop. That takes some skill. I feel like sometimes there is such a huge anti-parent bias among the commenters here. I love this response: not sure what Ill be in the mood for. What sounds good on Wednesday is not always what I want to do on Saturday. However, if you and/or your husband have used that phrase in the past where she is included in the We, shes not mishearing you/he are misspeaking. Do you have time to talk?" "What Are You Up To?" Can Be a Way to Ask "Are You Busy?" Here's another example: Jana: Hi Rob, how are you? You: Yeah, we should. COME TO LOOSE PLAN HANGOUT THING THAT IM INVOLVED IN OR ELSE YOU MIGHT SHRIVEL AND DIE! and they had the best intentions. To them I am this exotic other they feel entitled to treat in a certain way because their goodness and its expression is more important than my real and complex experience as a human being.. 1. (My brother and sister in particular also had to learn from both their friends and myself that, just because they love me and love them doesnt mean that were all friends) I could only imagine if that question were followed by an expectation of service or freedom to assume I was going to a thing. HUGE, HUGE, HUGE numbers of parents of adult children pull this exact same rude little stunt, and its designed to make the adult child respond to powerful guilt buttons installed by the parent and capitulate to what the parent wants, because the adult child is programmed to believe if they dont have a good enough excuse, they have to go attend on the parent at the time in question. But the female-seeming among us get hit with that kind of weirdly-broken thinking by our families and others endlessly in American and other western cultures. To those who suggested building better boundaries with my family: Good advice. One girl mentioned the How are you? and said shed learned not to answer it truthfully because people dont actually care. All of us Americans responded that, well no, its not that we dont actually care. Im saying lets not be unkind to the LW for disliking or feeling stress about this particular social situation. 3. Why is receiving an invite considered such a stressor and its ok not to get back to the person. As a young black woman in the US, she of course had been steeped in spotting such people her whole life. Im really only comfortable with this question in that context from very close friends who I can trust to react well to Thanks, but Im not really up for X. Otherwise, the question makes me feel that Im being manipulated into agreeing to something before I know what it is. If I have to treat her like a grownup, and not like my minor child that I can boss around, she can fucking treat ME like a grownup, and not like her mommy that she takes for granted.. Sometimes, answering a question with a question is the best strategy. Young women and girls are not stupid. Its harder to say if someone doesnt do their fair share of emotional labor, or figuring out their fair share of chores if theyre not physically or mentally able to do the same amount as you. I've Tried, but No One Listens Hopefully Not as Good as I'll Ever Be If I Was Any Better, Vitamins Would Be Taking Me Okay.
Funny Responses to "How Are You?" (& Other Questions!) - Science of People I know whats best for me. If they continue after that, theyre super pushy and rude and Ill say as much.
Funny Responses to "What Are You Doing?" - Mom Advice Line