Whats the difference between a fighter pilot and a fighter jet? A military base commander called to complain that the weather-forecasting software our company created for them kept reporting unexplainable wind shifts. Here are some favorites from rallypoint.com: Instructed a private in the mess hall to look for left-handed spatulas My 90-year-old dad was giving a talk at our local library about his World War II experiences. Marines Say OOOOORAH! Thanks for coming back for me, the airman said, jumping on the back of the scooter. Why do members of the military often marry lovers from the foreign countries they were deployed in? Aviation Humor - F-16.net - The ultimate F-16, F-22, F-35 reference ", The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it on the ground, took off her clothing and said, "Take what you want", The second engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway". Both have been racing sled dogs for decades. Fish Food. I was very nervous, she said. When Is Military Appreciation Month? We thought we would try to share as many with you as possible. Here soldiers share what theyve gleaned from past gaffes: I was cold Im convinced my cockroaches have military training. They sure grow up fast, dont they?. Caller: Is Sgt. Killed bin Laden. I thought I was on top of my game that day, Comedian Martha Raye was a great supporter of the military and made many trips to Vietnam to entertain the troops. Military Jokes March to the beat of your own drum with these military jokes. 33. 5. Military 3. 2. ", "Yes, sir," my mother said with a sigh. They bought their four-year-old son two stuffed bears one in a UPS uniform and the other in Marine garb. 17. 9. Airline Club Lounge Paradise like kingdom guarded by dragon-like creatures, 59. Aviation Humor. Me: No, I dont. Dont think so? 65. 3. I could have as many babies as I want because giving birth is free. I was working in Army security when a VIP from another base called to ask to whom he should address an important letter. 4. DeFrigNo! The sailor calls out and says, In boot camp, they taught us to wash our hands after taking a leak. The Marine replies, In our boot camp, they teach us not to piss on our hands.. She also liked her scotch. A military captain saying I was just thinking The steaming jungles of Vietnam were not my husbands first choice of places to spend his 21st birthday. The sergeant came in, grabbed a spoon, and took a taste. I admit itI have a tendency to exaggerate, and I was afraid when I joined the Navy that my creativity might get me in trouble. When a Navy fighter pilot saw this, he decided to approach the man and see what he was doing. These military jokes about the United States Air Force are a mixed bag. An old Marine Sergeant was standing near the edge of the puddle with his fishing line in a puddle. They are the ones protecting us at all times from external threats. Germany, like other NATO members, is protected by . . We were marching to the chow hall when we spotted a pathetic-looking recruit standing at attention by a mailbox, a whole book of stamps plastered to his forehead. 4. They all originally set out to become Marines. Co-Pilot: What?!. P | Test flight OK, except autoland very rough. Please speak after the tone or, if you require more options, listen to the following numbers: A. Sometimes I think war is Gods way of teaching us geography. Kassidy Barber is the Assistant Editor for VeteranLife.com and MyBaseGuide.com. Building the Army is a part of the government's tasks, and the military is made to protect citizens during war-time. Some of the jokes on this list I first read and on their websites. Black said he jokes about getting a sense of what America thinks about its military by the movies that come out, and the only decent military movie in recent years, in his opinion, was "Top Gun . The only time you have too much fuel is when youre on fire. 49. and some others fell to the ground quickly and did their push-ups. Caller: Is Sgt. The other replied, Not me! S | Auto land not installed on this aircraft. How did I know my new coworker was a veteran? What do you call a deer thats enlisted in the Air Force? He grabbed a bagel and took a seat. "They're all mine. 1) In World War II, a German U-boat was sunk because of a malfunctioning toilet. HubPages is a registered trademark of The Arena Platform, Inc. Other product and company names shown may be trademarks of their respective owners. Top Flight Deck / Cockpit Jokes and Memes Collection. This class yielded some very famous aircraft, many we still use today. At least SEVEN Cs! Guys, do you know some jokes related to military aviation? A Flight Attendant's comment after a less than perfect landing; We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal, 17. The LOUDEST Military Aviation PHOTOS Best Examples Of Aircraft Camouflage Oxcart/Blackbird Wind-Tunnel Test Models Things You Can See Almost Every Day In Dubai July 29, 2020 Fully Loaded Fighter Jets Showing Off July 2, 2020 Comical Google Maps Glitches With Airplanes May 2, 2020 Bomber Aircraft Low Passes. What do you call a second lieutenant surrounded by PFCs? The flight attendant on our trip was handing out plastic pilot wings to some kids. Every military branch thinks that theyre the best, the most important, and in their own way the hardest working. Take a look at the military jokes about the U.S. Marine Corps below to find some hilarious quips. 6. A lieutenant stood up and asked, Is that 24 hours our time or 24 hours their time?. Here are some favorites from rallypoint.com: The Best Aviation Jokes - Ridge Landing Airpark Collective Military Hardships One day an airman, an Army soldier, and a Marine were talking about the hardships they faced during their last deployment. Me: No. In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from the ceiling. Reluctantly, he showed it to me. I've told you that I'm a beautiful princess and that I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want. Members of the U.S. Navy are known to be a pretty sarcastic bunch. An officer asked if I knew what it meant. The Lasting Supper We recommend our users to update the browser. ! When the Marine finishes up, he starts to head for the door. Anytime someone asked what his father did, hed say, Hes in the Army. I told him umpteen times, Stop telling people Im in the Army! It finally seemed to hit home because on the admittance form for kindergarten, under fathers profession, the teacher wrote, He doesnt know what his father does, but hes not in the Army.. In this great little clip, an SR-71 pilot tells a story about flying around the Western United States to build up crew hours when small plane pilots started calling into air traffic control to ask . While on maneuvers in the Mojave Desert, our convoy got lost, forcing our lieutenant to radio for help. 30+ Best Military Jokes And Puns | Kidadl Do you know where the sensor is located? my coworker asked. Divert your course NOW! What should have been the day we chose to celebrate World Military Day? What do you call a training sergeant whos very kind and respectful? Good news and bad news, my instructor said. They want their patients to see 20:20! Ive been sandblasted.. For example, heres what happens when each of them is told to secure a building. Though I Fly Through the Valley of Death ..I Shall Fear No Evil. Countdown to Iditarod 2023: Tributes, jokes and celebrations as mushers Yes, said the lieutenant. Did it work? Knowing my tough-to-spell last name would give him fits, I said, Just put down Sergeant Gary, as my last name is too hard. Related read: When Is Military Appreciation Month? I felt confident as I aimed and squeezed the trigger of my carbine for my first During a combat medical training class, the topic was blast injuries. Soldier: No, SIR!. If I don't ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance", To this, Warren replied, "Joy that helicopter is fifty quid, and fifty quid is fifty quid", The pilot overheard the couple and said, "Folks I'll make you a deal. The Navy will turn out the lights and lock all the doors. Then the sergeant announced that everyone would get a three-day pass except me. I was the cook.. military aviation humour - Pilotfriend The only time you have too much fuel is when youre on fire. Unfortunately, the sun was shining Students are great about sending our troops letters, and the troops love em. S | Almost replaced left inside main tire. [Answered]. These 105+ Airplane Jokes Will Surely Soar At Your Next Party - Scary Mommy Bomber Pilots Do Them Too. A young pilot in a Fighter Jet was flying escort for a B-52 Bomber and generally being a nuisance, acting like a big hotshot, flying loops around the lumbering old bomber. Once during target practice, an unmanned drone flew past an antiaircraft cruiser. ", The engineer said, 'Look, I'm an engineer. Good RAF Army Banter/Jokes - PPRuNe Forums What should have been the day we chose to celebrate World Military Day? A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, "What was the problem?" "The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine," explained the flight attendant, "and it took . In the 60s, the CIA hatched a plan to implant a battery and a We were marching to the chow hall when we spotted a pathetic-looking recruit standing at attention by a mailbox, a whole book of stamps plastered to his forehead. Full Disclosure Here. When I enlisted in my teens, I took up smoking cigars to make myself look more mature. As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings. 'I could see the bones in my hands.' F-84 pilot tells the story of when When the boy seemed confused, his father brought out a picture of himself in full Marine dress. Two PFCs are walking down the street and one of them says, Oh look, a dead bird. The other PFC looks at the sky and says, Where? 16. Landings are mandatory. Of course, he responded. The next day, I received a letter addressed to Sgt. Tower "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on 124.7", Eastern 702 "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure by the way, after we lifted off, we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of the runway", Tower "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on 124.7; did you copy the report from Eastern? When a soldier came to the clinic where I work for an MRI, he was put into the machine by an attractive, young technician. Whats the worst thing you could say to insult a Marine? Then, in a soft voice, he said, Probably. Thank you, sir. the Soldier responds. Chicago. My husband is infantry, and he said the most wonderful things to convince me to marry him: The closets could all be mine since he wears the same thing Humankind has a perfect record in aviation; we never left one up there. Even his son turned up. Next time I send a damn fool, I go myself., My high school assignment was to ask a veteran about World War II. Why didnt the troop tell anyone about their rank in the military? Its a NO FLY zone! Why arent there any insects in an Army base? 8. It was our first day on the rifle range at Lackland Air Force Base. Because hes a captain in the Air Force. Mother, As the general inspected our troops, he asked some of the Marines which outfit they were serving with. Coast Guard Jokes - LiveAbout Why did the Soldier bring a blanket to an active battle zone? In-flight Snacks Little treats sealed in a bag that can only be opened by using a chainsaw. He started this website while transitioning out of the Marines, and since has recruited several other Marines to help him work on the Marine Approved website. Do you have change for a dollar? To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. He had noticed that, for the umpteenth time, a recruit kept going to his right on a left command. The dog is there to bite the pilot if the man so much . His reply was quick and to the point: You didnt.. 2. ", 55. It was our first day on the rifle range at Lackland Air Force Base. The MPs read the letter, saluted, and left. Being in the military is no laughing matter, but you know what can liven the spirits of those who serve or have served? Weather forecasts are horoscopes with numbers. Do not use 27 packs of sticky notes to label everything in the barracks so the general wont have any questions during the inspection. To the Soldiers surprise, the Marine was laughing about it. Even better, have them explain the joke to you after and have a good laugh yourself. Instructed a private in the mess hall to look for left-handed spatulas ", "Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?". Killed bin Laden. It was basic training, and I was seated in the barber chair bemoaning the impending loss of my hair when the barber asked, Where are you from? St. Ask the Army to secure a building and they will set up a perimeter around it and make sure nobody gets out. 28. After a few basic questions, I very gingerly asked, Did you ever kill anyone? Our puns and jokes are here for the soldiers as well as everyone else to enjoy. My 90-year-old dad was giving a talk at our local library about his World War II experiences. Aviation Jokes: A military cargo pla Fighter Training Manual You know your landing gear is UP and LOCKED when it takes full power to taxi to your parking spot. Eat up! Hazing the new guy, he said with a grin. They came up with that name using Operation Random Thesaurus. It is always better to be down here wishing you were up there than up there wishing you were down here. 130 Best Aviation Humor ideas | aviation humor, humor, aviation Aviation Humor 129 Pins 1y S Collection by STS Aviation Group Share Similar ideas popular now Humor Funny Military Humor Aviation Fuel Aviation Humor Aviation Technology Airbus Boeing Airline Humor Airline Reservations People Fly Flight Attendant Life LinkedIn Aviation Quotes 1. Do not communicate with officers using only Madonna lyrics. The Air Force will take out a five-year lease with an option to buy at the end. When finally open guaranteed to spill everywhere, 60. See, Connor? he explained, pointing to the photo and then to the bear. U.S. Navy Warship: We are a large warship of the United States Navy. What do you call a Marines with an IQ of 160? No, we dont, she said. A pilot is a confused soul who talks about women when he is flying, and about flying when he is with a woman. While attempting to locate the aircraft on radar, ATC asked, "What was your last known position? In the event of an emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with our compliments, 23. 42. Unless you pull the stick too far back, then they get bigger again very quickly". My gunnery sergeant and I were inspecting a Marine training exercise when we spotted a second lieutenant ambling about. Our instructor approached the directionally challenged Marine and stomped on his left foot. 6, 2 to cheer, 2 to fire the weapon and 2 to take pictures! . How much noise can we make up here? At one point, our very intimidating instructor pointed at me and said, Theres been a jeep explosion. Meanwhile, the sergeant glared at the others. The military has a long, proud tradition of pranking recruits. I would stay behind and neatly print each soldiers name onto his Army-issued underwear. He needed COVER! I was cold is not a sufficient reason for being caught in the female barracks. I was stationed in England with the Air Force when I went to a local barber. Military Aviation Humor | Civil Aviation Humor | Life in the Military | Submit a Joke Waxing his plane A pilot got up bright and early, and told his wife he was going to wash and wax his plane. The veteran bomber pilot answered, "Try this hot-shot". Why did the optometrist set his clock to military time? Dad always bragged about the gunners on his ship. Caller: Sgt. The Soldier agreed, and when the Marine went to get his drink he started spitting in the Marines boots. P | Engine noise at an unbelievable high level. As for the rest of you, get down and give me 40 for lying!. Here's an SR-71 Story That'll Make You Laugh - Popular Mechanics The Best Short Military Jokes 1. Learn from the mistakes of others. USMC: OHH! The Pentagon announced that its fight against ISIS will be called Operation Inherent Resolve. One day, I was told to report to my commanding officer, who ordered me to escort Ms. Raye. 100 Hilarious Airplane Jokes That Are Surely to Take Off 14 Funniest Military Jokes Ever (2022 Edition), How to Unregister a Gun in your Name? 11 of the Best Veteran Memes That Perfectly Sum Up Veteran Humor. The optimist invests the aeroplane and the pessimist invents the parachute. When I enlisted in my teens, I took up smoking cigars to make myself look more mature. As the general inspected our troops, he asked some of the Marines which outfit they were serving with. He had the same plane as yours. StrategyPage's Military Jokes and Military Humor. The Marine said Are you crazy? Not to mention, when spending many hours deployed and away from home, telling jokes and connecting through humor is the best way to avoid the difficulty of real life. The Marine insisted that since he was in the aisle seat he would get it for him. While serving as chief medical officer at Fort Ritchie in Maryland, I attended a nearby wedding. What do you call a training sergeant who's very kind and respectful? Attention! Remember, gravity is not just a good idea. Forty years later, Dad met the man responsible, and he told him how impressed he had been. Grandpapa Johns Pizza. Sent a recruit to medical-supplies office in search of fallopian tubes Corporal Wabo is a former Infantry Squad Leader with 3rd Bn 4th Marines that specialized in Mortars. Spread the humor by leaving a secret written joke on a neighbor's stoop, a colleague's desk, or mail it to your best friend. Fish Food. U.S. Air Force Grounds Hundreds of Jets: Their Tails May Fall Off Military jokes - Pinterest Me: Hello? In the ongoing battle between objects made of aluminium going hundreds of miles per hour and the ground going zero miles per hour, the ground has yet to lose. Officer: Soldier. 'Never fly in the same cockpit. A sailor and a marine are both in the bathroom peeing. Collecting our many suitcases, the ten of us entered the cramped customs area. Officer: Soldier, do you have change for a dollar? As the soldiers disembarked, they started to jeer and boo. Well, one time, as I proudly puffed away at our NCO club, an older sergeant growled, Hey, kid, your candy bars on fire.. What do you use on your face to keep it so smooth? I During orientation at Fort Sill, in Oklahoma, our first sergeant stated that if anyone lost his locker key to see him, as he kept a master key in his office. My friend stopped, turned around, and glared at the airman. A senior chief prompted his 25 sailors by saying, I have an easy job for the laziest man here. After everyone had made it through the chow line, he sat them down and told them There are three rules in this mess hall- Shut up! A Recruiter Misled You. If air traffic controllers screw up, pilots also die. The program was halted when, after years of research and millions of dollars spent, the spy cat was run over by a cab. However, the mood was brightened when he received a birthday cake from We were inspecting several lots of grenades. Marine: Wait, stop. He was holding a toothbrush, which he proceeded to use to scrub underneath the rim of a toilet. 9. Ocean Pearl, I answered. He was holding a toothbrush, which he proceeded to use to scrub underneath the rim of Its important that soldiers learn from their mistakes; otherwise, theyre bound to repeat them at inopportune moments. [Answered]. 15. In his free time, he enjoys hunting, hiking, running, shooting guns, and reviewing gear. My friend, an Air Force officer, was riding his scooter when he passed an airman who didnt salute. It took the poor guy all day. In college, my freshman-year roommate was in ROTC and came from a long line of military men. "OK Suzy" said the teacher, "please tell the class your. You might be a Coastie if a cruise does not sound like a vacation to you. Types of Rifles Every Shooter Should Know About, Rifle Vs. Welcome aboard Flight 245 to Calgary. Did You Hear About The Accident at the Army Base? Reply: I recommend you divert your course 15 degrees south to avoid a collision. When I lost my rifle, the Army charged me $85. Pilots 5. Military jokes 291 Pins 3y D Collection by Devyn Scholtes Similar ideas popular now Military Humor Military Quotes Humor Funny Memes Military Jokes Army Humor Army Memes Military Life Funny Posts Hilarious Memes Humor Funny Memes Spongebob Memes My son is in Marine Infantry School and one of his best friends is in the Air Force Academy. ", Warren replied, "Well, to tell you the truth, I almost said something when Joy fell out, but you know, fifty quid is fifty quid". A cookie and a piece of cake joined the army, but eventually, they abandoned their fellow soldiers. 2. Ordered a private to bring back a five-gallon can of dehydrated water (in fact, the sergeant just wanted an empty water can). San JoseTower: "Flight 751 heavy, turn right at the end if able. At one point, our very intimidating instructor pointed at me and said, Theres been a jeep explosion. They know how to take up space. Aviation jokes | Key Aero A young customs official watched our entourage in disbelief, "Ma'am" he said, "Do all these children and this luggage belong to you? There are many branches of the military. 44. I enjoyed the humor section quite a bit. !" Marine: "Wait, stop. 13:30 comes and goes. While in Kuwait, shortly before we deployed to Iraq, a major general told our meeting that we should expect to cross into Iraq in less than 24 hours. He then My gunnery sergeant and I were inspecting a Marine training exercise when we spotted a second lieutenant ambling about. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Since it was a formal affair at a country club, I went in my officers dress blue uniform. How can you tell if theres an Air Force pilot at the bar? Whats an LMD? I asked.